Saturday, April 11, 2009

Another Twist in the Road.

Oh, it has been a while! I've been following along with your blogs but not had much to say for myself. So pleased to see things going really well for a couple of my old (original) blog friends, also so sad to see things go wrong for others- I just wonder why it all has to be so difficult.

So what's going on around here? Nothing and everything really.

I haven't done any more treatments, had any medical appointments or arranged anything new. I haven't had any spontaneous pregnancies or any more losses. All very quiet on the reproductive front.
On the other hand we have started looking into adoption. In the UK you are not allowed to adopt whilst still undergoing fertility treatment. I had come to the decision that we would do one final IVF, going to blast regardless, just because we hadn't yet done this.
When we spoke to the agencies we realised that to do another treatment and then go on to look into adoption would add about another 18 months to the whole process. As we really have so very little hope that another IVF would actually result in a pregnancy, let alone a live birth, we have decided to go ahead with the adoption process. Too much time wasted already.

We were accepted by both the agencies we approached although one seemed much more excited about having us than the other. We chose the one that was the friendliest and got back to us on time, posted out the forms they said they would etc. I think the process will be frustrating enough without having to chase an agency at each step.
The first surprise was the prep groups. We knew there was a waiting list for the groups but the social worker really seemed to take to us and hinted that she would try to bump us up the list! Good to her (implied) word she must have as we were invited to start the five week course last week. It was rather awkward to be chatting with the other couples that had been waiting an average of 12 months to start, nice for us though (and, for the record, we aren't super nice people, we just have a lot of experience of working with children who have suffered trauma!)

Is this the future then? Truthfully we just don't know if it is. Both agencies were very honest and said the chance of being placed with a baby were next to nothing- realistically we would be looking at building our family with children who had been removed from their birth family for a reason. We both have doubts but also can see the positives of adoption. It is such a huge undertaking. It hurts my brain to think about it for too long. We have decided to go through the process and be truly honest with ourselves and the social workers and hopefully, by the end, we will know for sure, one way or another.

As to wondering if this infertility/ recurrent mc blog is turning into an adoption blog, time will tell. I think that's the only answer for now.


Geohde said...

Ah Carrie,

I've been wondering how you are. It sounds so cliche, but it must be very hard...



womb for improvement said...

Oh hello! It has been a while. An 18 month wait is incredible and put that old "You can always adopt" advice into perspective.

chicklet said...

I've been wondering what's up and if you were coming back, but I'm glad to hear you're at least trying things. And I don't mean giving up treatment, I just mean giving yourself some next steps. While I'm in a really fortunate place right now, I was where you were at with moving onto adoption and not knowing how that'd all work out and how we'd feel. It's a lot to process, so take your time. We'll still be checking in - us original blog friends:-)

Ms. Planner said...

Carrie! I am so, so pleased to hear an update from you.

And adoption! Wow! I am happy to hear of your new path.

I am not trying to blow sunshine up your ass when I write this, but I JUST KNOW that you are going to be a mom. And a damn good one. I can just feel it my bones.

Supporting you all the way,

Ms. P

m said...

You've no idea how happy I am to read this post, and how much I've missed you!
I am so freaking excited that you are pursuing adoption, as you know we've done all the prep work and no matter what happens with us I'm still so committed to it.
Does your adoption work cover international and domestic? We don't have 'agencies' as such over here, ours is all run by the government and does both local and international.
How have you found the course so far? I know I loved ours, it really opened my eyes...

Don't stay away so long, k?

christina(apronstrings) said...

so glad to hear from you again. adoption is exciting. what a long wait though...blech. hopefully said social worker can help you out. you two have certainly waited long enough.
don't hate me--but it stil may happen...i have a firend who adopted two littles ones and twelve years later had a bio baby. so there is always hope--maybe jsut a little. but it's there.
can't wait to follow your story.

luna said...

so good to hear from you. I'm glad you are moving forward with a plan. I hope this road leads you somewhere wonderful.

Emily said...

I'm glad to hear from you, and have been thinking about you. I hope your next step goes smoothly... whatever that step may be. Sending hugs!

JJ said...

Im just now getting caught up with reading-and I was so glad to see you had updated.

I think about you often--and wish I could say more to make this road easier. Its just plain hard. I do look forward to hearing more about the adoption path-Im excited for you!

Please know Im always here to hold your hand. xoxo

andi said...

Lovely to hear from you - thanks for your support.

And very pleased you are on the adoption path.


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