Wow, it seems this is my first post of 2008. Now that is a little slack.
I suppose I haven't had much to say.
I'm not sure if it is the January blues, my birthday (37 today, how did that happen?) or the whole hopeless TTC stuff but I just don't seem to want to communicate.
In short, I am a miserable old girl who is wallowing in a sea of self pity. I am really quite worried that I am pushing my husband too far these days. All I seem to do is mope and moan and go on about our situation. It worries me that he'll just get to the point of thinking it isn't worth it.
I don't even like being with me right now, why should he?
Anyway, onwards and upwards as they say.
On the TTC front, well, I ordered myself £808 worth of drugs this morning! Happy Birthday to me!!! We are going to cycle again.
At my follow up appointment with the (very lovely) doctor from the clinic he said.....
Yes, the previous cycle had gone very well and we had two top quality embryos. He had no answers to why these didn't take, just bad luck probably (hmmm, more bad luck. Not so scientific sometimes,these doctors) however he did realise that, although my AMH had thrown me into the potential high/over responders group, with 5 eggs, I hadn't over responded. The next cycle will therefore be a different protocol.
So.......
I have started on Metformin (making me feel -but not be- sick most of the day, yuck) This cycle I will be down-regulated (Lupron), then the same dose of Menopur and then we'll see how I respond. He is hopeful for more eggs without a loss of quality. It does seem like a guessing game but I am happy enough with the plan.
Cysts etc allowing, down regulation is on the 4th February so starting stims around 14th-18th February? Possible EC around end of Feb.
I'm really hoping to gather a little hope and enthusiasm between now and the start of this cycle. Right now I just want to cry when I think of doing it all again. Then again, the alternative, the do nothing and get even older, scares me witless. It really is a case of being between a rock and a hard place.
I have been pregnant at 34, 35 and 36. Please let this be the one for 37. And please let this one be a real live baby. Please.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Trying to Hope
Posted by Carrie at 9:29 PM
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13 comments:
Happy birthday my friend!
On the driving the husband crazy, I get it. The other night I got all weepy and was all "you have to tell me if it's too much" cuz I got all freaked that if I'm tired of it, how can he not be? So if it helps, you're not the only annoying wife:-)
On the rest of it, man alive I hope this one works for you. You've just been through so much:-(
A very happy birthday to you! I am turning 37 this year too...and I am feeling the same way you are about the self pity. I am so sick of feeling this way that I don't even want to hear me complain anymore. I often think my husband must be getting sick of all my misery too...I just can't seem to shake it! Just know that you aren't alone out there - I don't know what to say that can help...but I can be here and let you know that I understand.
:(
wishing you a very happy birthday, and an even better new year! ~luna
Hoping that we all get our real, live babies. soon. It seems cruel that we have to be that specific when requesting help from the universe, but there it is...
Happy birthday sweet lady!
xx
J
you are not! wallowing in self pity. you're having the same reaction that any person with an ounce of feeling would. you know that this is all so unfair. i agree with you.
xoxo
Happy birthday sweet Carrie!
I am so sorry to hear it is difficult one. I hope you go easy on yourself - you've been through a lot. How could anyone not approach the new cycle and your new year with some of the trepidation you are experiencing.
You know that old saying, "It is always darkest before the dawn" ? I know you have the strength and grace to push on through and make your dreams come to reality.
xoxo.
Oh, I so hope this is the one for you. There's only so much loss and disappointment one person can take.
happy birthday. i'm not far behind you and freaking about my age as well. thanks for reaching out to me. i'm going to be on lubron shots...that's all i know so far. best wishes to you...i'll be following your progress as i start my own journey.
Happy Birthday Carrie!
I understand your fears and exhaustion, I've been there too. And like chicklet I've gone all weepy on the husband and asked if its been too much.
I'm hoping the new protocol works well for you and you rally through the down regulation and things go wonderfully. I'm pulling for you friend!
Happy birthday!
May 37 be the year you see parenthood!
A belated happy birthday to you Carrie! 37 ain't so old. I was only 37 when I started this whole malarkey. 39's a whole lot more scarey!!
I've been in that self-plty place and was sure my hubbie would run for the hills, but that's part of marriage - we're in it together. My hubbie has his down times too so i guess we're even.
WIth what you're going through, you deserve a bit of a pity break!
I really, really hope this is your year. x
Happy birthday! If it makes you feel any better, I'll be 39 in 2 weeks time - so you've still got a couple of years on me. Good on you for getting back to the cycling again. It only takes one good egg (tho obviously I'm hoping for a lot more for you!).
Happy belated birthday sweetie!! I truly hope that this is your year. I am praying that this next IVF does the trick, good luck - will be watching your progress!!
Love and hugs xxx
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