Today marks a year of Blogging for me. I wonder what I thought I would gain from keeping a diary when I started.
I had been a reader for a while so I think I hoped to share knowledge and experiences, to learn from others who had been there, but I had no idea I would communicate with people so deeply that I would consider them my friends.
Starting this Blog has been a lifeline. I feel so isolated from life around me right now, so withdrawn, I really don't think I would have coped without an outlet that validates my feelings. I think being able to support others has helped too. Knowing I am not the only person in the world to have ever felt this way.
It is odd then to think that such support could, in a way, add to the feeling of loneliness too. I looked back on the Bloggers that I originally connected with. I thought of my first Blogroll. So so so many of them have moved forwards in their journey. On a good day this makes me extremely happy and gives me hope, on a bad day it seems to underline my lack of progress.
I am really feeling left behind right now. I am so worried that I will always be on this side. I am trying to get together a plan of action for my next move but I have lost my way. I feel like I am fighting all the time, it has been going on for so long. I am tired of it all.
I wonder what this Blog will say in a years time?
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Happy(?) Blogday to Me
Posted by Carrie at 10:22 PM
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32 comments:
Happy blogaversary! I can completely understand that left behind feeling. Hopefully a year from now you can look back and feel happy about the decisions you have made and the path you have chosen.
FWUW, I spent my first year of blogging feeling left out and behind....
I have hopes that you get only the best news in the next year,
J
Happy blogaversary! Glad to have found your blog=)
Wishing you happy things in the year to come!
carrie, happy blogoversary! I'm so glad I found you. and I love the new format and look! go red! ~luna
Thanks for commenting on my Blog. And Happy BloberversarY! I so related to your words of being left behind, friends, family, people from the IVF support group even have all (almost) moved on and fallen pregnant. Something that always keeps me going, is the 'this time next year" sentence I always have going in my head.
I wish you only success, happiness and hope, always.
Love Lianne
i too used to feel so freakin' left behind. it was sooo lonely. *sigh* but i haven't felt that way in abit now, and there is no reason to think that you stilll will in a year. though, i never felt like it would end which is what made is sooo hard.
but listen-if this bad egg girl, who can get to 18 weeks, after 4 m/c's and two failed IUI's and a 4 time delayed and ultimately cancelled IVF-b/c of poor response-can then my god we all can.
as always thinking of you. and very much thinking that this is all so unfair for you.
xoxo
Happy Blogoversary, Carrie. I hope the next year brings lots of happy changes.
It's hard isn't it? Seeing so many move on, being happy for them, but hating still being here? I try to keep up with them, but sometimes I just can't, cuz I'm still here, and their moving on reminds me how very "here" I am. Hang in there:-(
Oh, do I get what you are saying totally!! This is a great place for comfort but it hurts so badly when we feel left behind. Hang in there...our time is coming.
:)
Oh Carrie - I so know where you're coming from on this one. In the blog world, where I've been an almost silent observer for about 4 years, all of the folk who I started reading have either had their babies or gone silent. And in real life, even the people I thought would still be with me have moved on (who would bet on a 44 year old with 6 miscarriages rather than a 37 year old with 3 - but the 44 year old is now 46 and pregnant with baby no 2 and I'm still ttc no 1).
I sometimes think that I'm a good luck charm to eveyone with IF issues that I come into contact with - none of the ones I know in real life are now without babies. I hope I have the same effect on you and your two year bloggiversary is much, much happier!
In the meantime, you are not alone. It is really easy to focus on the good news stories and compare ourselves to them, and it does make you feel miserable even at the same time as you are happy for them. I sometimes avoid the message boards when I feel like that, and I think it's one of the main reasons I haven't thrown myself into the bloggy world so wholeheartedly - I know that if I get too involved and caught up it can be to the detriment of my own peace of mind and then I'm no use to anyone. Hang in there.
Carrie, I'm sorry that this year has not brought you what you so greatly deserve.
I started reading blogs about 6 months into TTC and 2 years later most of those have made it to the other side, at least once or twice. I understand your reactions, both on good and bad days. My sister is a case in point.
If it helps at all, know that your presence here in blogland is valued and appreciated, both your posts and your comments. Here's hoping that by this time next year, you will be on your way to a baby (whatever process that may look like) and/or will have reached some sense of peace. In the meantime, I'll be reading.
Happy blogoversary! Wishing that you will have only happy things to share in the next year.
Happy Blogversary!!! I've been feeling exactly the same way (as you probably know from my past posts). I know its been a super tough year for you. I really started putting my blog out there and connecting with others about a year ago as well (and its been the toughest year for me even though I've been on this journey for so long already). I hope this next year will be different for the both of us.
Let's hope this time next year us 'left behinds' are on the right side of this mess. Then we can look back and smile....we can hope can't we?
Here's to hoping you aren't a "left-behind" this time next year. Here's to only the best things in the coming year!
Happy belated blogaversary!! You know, I understand what you mean... it makes perfect sense. And some days are worse and some days are good. There are days that I simply cant click on a blogger friend who is pregnant because seeing their happiness tears me apart. There are other days when I am so happy for them that my heart bounces at their success.
I think anyone who has been on this rollercoaster understands those feelings.. even the gals on the "other" side. Remember this, you know you can come here and we will rally around you and encourage and support you if you need it.
Stirrup sister powers... activate!
Happy Blogaversary Carrie! I have so enjoyed getting to "know" you over the blogosphere. I have no doubt that you are an amazing woman and that - when you are ready to again - you will find the path to get to where you want to be. It sucks to sit with the uncomfortableness of waiting and wondering and not knowing what the future might bring. I believe wholeheartedly that you will reach the other side. And I cannot wait to celebrate with you.
Thank you for sharing all your thoughts and feelings with us - good and bad.
I love the name of your blog, by the way. Very inventive.
And happy Blog Day.
Happy Blogaversary sweetie!!
I'm sorry that i've been so scarse lately, I know how what you are going thru right now because I am in the same place, I wish that there was something I could do or say to take away that feeling and your pain.
I'm still here with you chicken, we will get past this, one way or another! I hope that this next year brings everything you are hoping for and much much more!
Much Love xxx
ditto on everything you said. recently i've tried to distance myself from all of this but then i think i've got to keep documenting this journey so i never forget what i went through. i obviously had no idea that this process would take so long but i'm so incredibly thankful i've had the support of complete strangers- who have actually become closer to me in some ways then my friends and family who know nothing of my pain and disappointments. best to you.
Oh, Carrie. I know just how you feel. I feel so isolated & withdrawn from 'life' and 'the outside world' right now too. I'm sorry. I know things will move forward & you won't feel left behind anymore. Hang in there!
M
Happy Blogaversary! I believe that this next year will be better. I'm hoping good things for you. I look at my blog list and see how many have crossed over and it makes me sad too. I try to keep thinking positive thoughts and putting one foot in front of the other.
Carrie, just wondering how you're doing! Are you ok? Sending hugs...
M
Thinking of you and hoping you are having a good day.
hey carrie, I imagine you're just needing a break, which I fully understand. just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. ~luna
Hey Carrie,
Just checking in and making sure that you are okay. Thinking of you always xxx
Sounds like it is time for a mental, physical, and emotional break. I was in your same shoes and had given up hope about two weeks ago. Since my break, I have had time to reflect and even noticed my mind wandering to what we'll try next. Take your much-deserved break! Your "community" is here for you!
I see you're commenting so I know you're around but I'm hoping you're okay out there? I sadly know how much this stuff sucks, but if you need anything, just name it, I'll be there.
Please email me your name and address and I would be THRILLED to send you the Menopur!!! You can email me at matheisryder@yahoo.com
I look forward to sending them your way!
:)
Happy Blogday! I can really relate to feeling left out.
Just wanted to say hi and how are you!
Hey Carrie--was thinking about you tonight, and wanted to stop over to see how you are doing. Sending you some hugs!
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