The Real Me.

Firstly, thanks everyone, what a lot of lovely, encouraging comments you left after my, trying to be positive, post.

Secondly, I think I need to sort out some confusion. I may have left you all with the impression that I am all calm and zen. Not quite true. I'd love to be one of these incredibly giving woman who goes through life with never a bad thought. Also not true.

What I really meant in my last post that was, although I'd still rather not hear of all these pregnancies, I've kind of learned to distance myself. To keep myself from falling apart over every announcement. It isn't easy and I still have the panicky sick feeling and the want to scream BUT after the initial stinging slap, for my own best interests, I am learning to separate their good news from my lack of good news. To try and remember they are not getting pregnant to annoy me or to prove how much more womanly or healthy they are, it doesn't make them better people or more deserving. And, I try to remember, that although I want to be a mum so badly, to build OUR family, I don't want their lives. My life, apart from the obvious, suits me very well.

That said, I still have a pregnancy radar. I feel the need to continuously assess the likelihood of anyone I know, of child bearing age, becoming pregnant. I dread surprise announcements most of all. I still avoid pregnant woman, even my friends, whenever possible. I rarely ask how someone is keeping, or when they are due or any of the other appropriate chit chat. It's just too hard still.

Just thought I'd clear that up. I'm really not a happy, positive, salt-of-the-earth type. I'm just trying to make my life easier to live, for me. Hope I haven't disappointed anyone!

On the cycle news.
I've been at the clinic yesterday. The scan showed everything fine (No cysts, whew) so I had the Prostap injection. That's that then, The show is officially on the road. OMG.OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. Just waiting for the mood swings/ hot flushes etc to start. Joy.

There was a little moment in the car park where I really, really thought about just not going in. I mean seriously. It does overwhelm me, it really does.

Just to demonstrate what a wicked person I am, the highlight of my visit had to be the nurse warning my husband of the possible probable mood swings etc. She really laid it on thick (well I really hope she was!) His face was a picture. He's even text me today to see how I am.

I reckon, for the first time ever, he's just as nervous as me right now. Yahoo.