Firstly, thank you all so so much for your kind and thoughtful comments. Really. Thank you.
Final scan today at the early pregnancy unit, of course nothing had changed so I'm booked in for an ERPC on Monday.
I'm doing ok right now. Not sure how I'll feel when the hormones crash.
My husband is not so good. His best friend's partner had a little boy on Sunday. It has hit him quite hard this time. We went to see the baby last night and Mr L held him, I've NEVER seen him hold a baby before. He said it was the first time he's thought of a baby as a person, like a mini G. He spoke of how proud his friend is and how badly he really wants to be a dad. It isn't like him to be so emotional. I'm finding that hard.
He also keeps saying how we'll try again, straight away. How we can go straight to IVF. I felt like this after my other losses but I don't feel the same this time. I just don't want any of it. I don't want to try and I don't want IVF. I don't think I can go through this process again. Its too hard.
Anyway, I'm going to try not to make any decisions right now, it isn't necessary at the moment.
So ERPC on Monday, after that........well, we'll just wait and see.
Friday, August 03, 2007
That Will Be That Then.
Posted by Carrie at 6:44 PM
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23 comments:
Glad to hear you are doing ok but I'm sure the grief will come in waves. So we're all here for you. Hugs to you and your DH. I think we often forget that its just as hard on our hubbies sometimes. So sorry you are both going through this. Time will slowly heal your wounds and you will find strength again and it will become clear what your next step is. For now, take care of yourself and be good to yourself ok.
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. Your comments about your husband break my heart. My SB's brother had a baby this past week and to see him with that baby nearly killed me.
I wish I knew what to say to make this better but I know nothing makes it better.
I'll be thinking about you and sending as much good energy your way as I can.
Hi Carrie; I'm glad you updated. I know this must be a terrible time. The right decision will come at the right time- currently the emotions are just too raw for both you and your DH. Just take it a day at a time and hang in there.
I am so sorry Carrie. Just take very good care of yourself, get some rest and I hope you find the energy, courage and determination to try again. Thinking of you.
Thank you for updating - I've been worried about you. My heart is broken for you and your man. Wishing you both some peace and may you find comfort in your togetherness during this grievous time. Be there for each other. Clarity will come...
xoxo
Carrie I have been thinking of you often. This is so unfair for you and your hubbie.
{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}
i am so sorry to heart his, dear one. this really sucks. you're not in the right place to make any decisons.
except the decision to take care of yourself.
lots of warm wishes sent your way.
xoxo
christina
Carrie, I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you and your husband right now...
Again Carrie, I am so very sorry.
Take some time and see how you feel when everything is over.
I know how scary it must be to contemplate trying again with so many heartbreaking losses under your belt.
So sorry. You are right that now is not the time to make key decisions about the future - not for you or hubby.
I hope you are able to get the closure you need and begin to heal.
We'll all be here for you when you feel like posting again. Until then, take care.
Carrie, honey... I'm so so sorry for you loss.
My thoughts are with you.
I'm so very sorry, Carrie. You and your husband will be in my thoughts. Take care of yourself!
I'm so sorry for both of you.
That's so sad, dear Carrie. So very sad. I'm wishing you a quick and painless procedure on Monday -- and you're right to delay any major decisions for now. Emotionally, physically, all-around, you've got enough to cope with right now.
I wish there were something I could say to make this easier for you and your husband. Holding you both in my thoughts.
Carrie,
I am so sorry for you. I've been through the same a few times and it's heartbreaking. So difficult to describe the feeling when you see there is no heartbeat.
All I can say is to try and take the time it takes to get over it.
In all this I find I can handle my emotions ok but it kills me when I see my husband upset.
Look after yourself.
I am so sorry sweetie, I can't even imagine what you are going through right now, hell it's taken me forever to get over 1 failed IVF. Try and take good care of yourself and take all the time you need, you will now when you are ready. Thinking of you today.
Loads of hugs xxx
It's just an awful situation, carrie, I am really awfully sorry.
Re coping with the ERPC,
(i)do let yourself grieve however it works for you, your pattern will not be the same as everyone else
(ii) realise that your hormones are going to crash badly a few days after the ERPC, don't worry if you seem to go backwards for a day or so later this week (and don't go back to work too soon).
I will be thinking of you.
Wishing you strength during the hormone crash
Oh Carrie, I'm sorry. I remember seeing my hubby hold a baby for the first time too, it was the one that was due the same day ours would have been if I didn't mc, and it made me so sad to see the way he looked it it. Like the penny finally dropped for him. Take all the time you need, its so emotionally draining isn't it. Hugs x
Carrie, I am so sorry to hear this. I know it's harder to see your husband suffer than it is to suffer yourself. May the two of you find peace soon.
Thinking of you.
Ugh, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Life's really just not fair.
Lots of love and prayers for you and you DH in this trying time you are going through. Take your time to heal and keep on loving each other
So sorry for you both.
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