Wow. That was hard. I should know better.
Every cycle for the last 14 months or so I've had a dull ache for the last few days, sometimes longer, of the cycle. That and a little spotting from 10 DPO or so. This month... nothing. No pregnancy symptoms but no premenstrual ones either.
I started to dream a little. Well quite a lot actually. I even voiced my hopefulness to Mr L. What a silly thing to do.
As you've probably worked out by now, the bubble has burst. Spotting has started this evening (although still no cramps) looks like CD 1 tomorrow. I sometimes think someone/something is just playing with me. I knew getting pregnant this month wasn't likely, but why the hope? It kind of crept up and bit me. Now that's just not playing fair.
I'm off to camp with my class tomorrow and will somehow find a quite corner to phone the clinic and order my drugs. Thanks for your comments/ advice. I'm not stressing anymore, I'll just stick with my choices and get this show on the road. Ha, that sounds blasé. I'm not. I'm terrified. This cycle has reminded me how difficult it is to have hope and then have to deal with disappointment. Still, what's the alternative? Carry on like this?
No, it's time. It's scary, but it's time.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Down to Earth with a Bump- and not the sort I was dreaming of.
Posted by Carrie at 9:34 PM
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10 comments:
I'm so sorry Hope is messing with you. None of this is easy, but we'll be here to support you. Hugs.
That's exactly how it happened for us--we didn't want to move onto various treatments, but ultimately carrying on as we were just wasn't an option. I'm sorry about CD1. And hang in there with the treatments--we're here to listen and support you. :-)
AF is such a buzz kill. I am glad that you are being so brave with moving forward.
Kindly, Ms. Planner
I will be holding your hand (vitually) when you step into the unknown.
After going through one cycle, I now know that the prospect is more scary than the reality.
Hope you have a great trip to the Lakes...mmm Kendal Mint Cake!
Af and Hope always played tricks on me as well. I'm so sorry AF came to disappoint you. I know this next step is scary but we're all here for you. Good luck to you and big hugs.
This is a scary step but you can do it sweetie, we'll all be here for you, seems IVF is the
in-thing" now anyway so we'll all go through it together. Hugs xxx
AF and Hope are like the mean girls in school who just do things to fuck with you. Ugh. I hope you were able to have a good time camping!
Thanks for your sweet words on my blog. Believe me, I was a curled-up heap for a while. I just want to be ready for the next one, so am kind of forcing the happy face.
Where are you in your cycle? Have the drugs been ordered?
PS - I kind of like the word "getermination" Like "Get to it, self!"
Just wanted to stop by and say thanks for the welcoming post on my blog the other day. I'm so sorry to read of your recent disappointment, I know those bumps can feel more like crashes. Hang in there, I'm in the middle of an IVF cycle, you've got lots of company.
Hi, Carrie! I just wanted to pop over to say of course you can join the challenge! No pressure to run--just to get up a move enough that (hopefully) it becomes a habit after 28 days. I love the support from you guys on this--it's the only way I stay motivated! :-)
I hope you're doing okay and look forward to your next update. :-)
I am so sorry that AF showed up. I understand what you said about being scared, I feel the same way! There is nothign wrong with being hopeful...
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