Triple Whammy

Yesterday I was doing so well, upbeat and positive.

Today.....not a good day.

1st. My period is on the way. I feel the nagging ache and lower backache. I know you can get cramps in early pregnancy but this is different. There's no denying it and it looks like it'll be early which will muck up my day 3 blood appointment. I've got an appointment on Friday and one on Monday to cover my usual 13/14 day LP. It's just not easy to get appointments quickly at my surgery so I'm not sure what I'll do. Beg on the phone perhaps.
Now this is the stupid part. I'm so upset that this cycle has ended. I expected it for sure. I mean what were the chances of falling pregnant at the last minute? Slim, but I'm devastated. I really, really, really hoped it would all come together. Stupid I know.

2nd. My next door neighbour is pregnant. I don't know her, neither of us have lived here for long but she looks about 6 months. A summer baby. I know this shouldn't really be a problem but somehow it just gets me. Jealousy I suppose. We hoped for a new house/ new baby kind of deal. Hmmmm. It's also on my mind that this baby will probably be born just after our first IVF cycle. Now how hard will that be if it all goes belly up?

3rd. The hardest really. A birth announcement from a colleague. It's not the announcement itself that's so hard, it's the circumstances that smart a bit.
This girl is the same age as me. She got married Sept '05. She then left to travel the world like an extended honeymoon. We had this conversation before she left and she was saying that she knew a year wasn't a long time and when she got back people would be doing exactly the same things as they were when she left etc.
Now I was pregnant at the time (secretly) and at eight weeks was feeling a little more confident this time. I remember so strongly thinking that I hope life will have changed for me. Oh it did, but not how I was hoping. We lost our baby two months later.
So she came back to work a slightly earlier than expected, she then said she had news and told us all she was going to be a mum and handed her scan around. Now that was hard.
I then tried avoiding her as much as I could but it was so awkward that I decided to fill her in on the main details of our journey and apologised for my lack of enthusiasm over her news. To be fair she was so sweet for the remainder of her time at work and did her utmost to make it as easy as possible for me.
She had a little girl. I so desperately would like a little girl. I find girl birth announcements so much more difficult than boy ones. (though I must add I would so very happily have a boy, still given the choice.....)
So she got married, travelled the world, got pregnant, stayed pregnant and delivered a healthy little girl meanwhile we've done what? I know, I shouldn't compare. It doesn't work like that.

So that's it. A tough day and I know there is so much worse going on, I shouldn't moan.

Hopefully things will look up tomorrow.