The One I Hadn't Considered

Throughout my journey through infertility and miscarriage I have grown used to things not going well. I have become accustomed to being under a black cloud due to my frustration and inability to become pregnant, despite the oh so carefully timed sex, the lack of caffeine, alcohol, the consuming of whole grains and the continious bypassing of refined carbs and sugar, not to mention the pile of vitamins I throw down daily.

I've tried acupuncture, reflexology, hypnosis and meditation. I've upped my exercise and then calmed it again in case it was too much. I've stayed still for hours after sex. I've tried to smile through others announcements. Watched colleagues at work grow round and go on mat leave, I've visited friends and family with newborns. I've watched these babies grow into happy, cute toddlers. I've had to watch as baby number two is announced and cried as we've got nowhere. Nowhere at all.

I've been at the Clinic and I'm back home. I thought I knew why this cycle wasn't going well. I thought I was responding poorly to the down regulation. I'd never heard of this before but I was sure, if it was at all possible, if anyone could get it wrong, I could. Why not?

The reason that the down regulation hasn't gone exactly to plan is because I'm pregnant. Yep, somehow in the middle of a down reg cycle. How the f*ck? I was speechless. Not even emotional, just stunned. Of all the possible reasons for my lack of period, I never thought this would be it. (or could be it.)
I hope some of you are ok with reading this. It's kind of a surprise announcement situation. If you were following this story at all, you certainly wouldn't have been expecting this. I certainly wasn't. I hate surprises, and for that I am sorry. Especially if it is difficult for you to read. It would have been for me.

Of course, I've been here before. It isn't as much exciting as absolutely terrifying. There's even the extra worry of the effect of the Prostap (Lupron) to consider. I'll post about these thoughts when I have time to gather myself. But it's a start and, wow, I'll take it.